when it rains

this entry will be in malay and english cos sometimes i just don't knoe how to express certain things. but fyi, bilingualism which then turn to code-switching is not very good. this is just an excuse (",)

when i'm writing this, its raining outside.
lebat, tapi tak sangat.
i like the smell of rain, especially when i'm standing on a tarred road. nice and absorbing.

tapi kalo dalam bilik, bunyi dan bau hujan buat aku rasa syahdu.
sangat.
the drops remind me of

home
the past
childhood
people i love

two different opinions i got so far about rain:

this is one.
bila ujan? leceh! kalo jalan kat luar kena senteng sluar / kain.
ujan? smua keja yang dah plan mesti tak jadi. smua orang jadi slow, biasala cuaca lembap.

another one.
i love rainy days.
suka sangat. boleh main ujan.
bila ujan, i feel as if i'm in a different world. serious, trust me...

tapi yang pasti.
bila ujan datang, aku rasa lapar gila.
perut growling2 memanggil makanan. sebab tu aku suka browse blog2 yg banyak photo makanan..

suasana ujan lagi syahdu bila
teringatan zaman kecik2 dolu2.. suka main ujan, main lopak (kat tempat aku panggil lecah).
ingat lagi member2 lelaki yang main ganas, tolak aku jatuh dalam lopak.
pastu balik umah kena marah sebab baju kotor (mak aku tak pakai breeze).

bila dah nak cecah umo 24 ni, rasa malu la pulak kalo nak main ujan lg.
tp budak2 kampong aku pun dah tak pandai main benda2 ni lagi, semua dok dalam umah main game, tgk tv. bosan!

ini yg aku panggil nostalgia.
nostalgia hujan (",)


walopun ia cuma sandwic sardin
apatah lagi kalau nasi lemak ayam percik, sedap walaupun cuma sayur sawi dan mestilah bes kalo dapat cheese cake... nyum nyum!!
inilah nostalgia hujan...

entri khas dari penembak paling kejam kepada mangsa paling kesian

arini kami pi main paint ball. this is my first time.

entri ini khas aku tujukan buat mangsa2 yang aku rasa paling kesian, dari penembak yang paling kejam.

mula2 skali, ejat!

Ejat!!!
i'm really really really sorry. that was my first 'hands-up' scene to people and aku rasa sebab aku panik kot... my hand was shivering, shaking!
tu yang aku terlepas tembakan yang 'short-range' dan paling kejam aku rasa. sorry. i just can't imagine the situation, it makes me feel terribly guilty.
seriously ejat, masa adik tu tanya ang whether nak tembak balas or not, aku rasa nak tolong jawab 'yes' untuk ang. aku sanggup je kalo ang nak tembak aku bertalu2!
serious aku tak kisah langsung. at least kurang skit rasa guilty aku kat ang. especially when i look at the bruise and bila aku tgk ang bejalan terencot2...

pastu, milah!
milah, aku nak aim tempat lain. tapi tempat tu pulak yang kena. sorry, sorry, sorry. mulanya aku ingatkan tak kena, skali ada bruise jugak.
ish ish...
ang tembak kaki aku sebab kaki aku terkeluar dari shield tu, biasala kaki extra panjang kan. aku pulak pi tembak ang, aku aim tangan sekali kena tempat lain.
sory sesangat ek milah.

dan kepada mangsa2 aku yang lain yang menjadi mangsa penembak paling kejam ni, aku betul2 mintak maaf. tapi aku masih tak puas hati sebab aku tak dapat any 'souvenir' except for wound kat lutut ni yang menyebabkan aku terpaksa sujud dalam keadaan slow mo...

nanti aku tulis lagi entri pasal main paint ball ni ek.
ini cuma ruangan khas, a tribute to all the victims of 'penembak paling kejam'!

kat mamak, sebelum ke medan perang

before action

after action

srikandi2 cohort 2

some people just can't be bothered!

what would you feel when at some points:

you are struggling to meet the dateline
you are rushing to attend discussions
you are running out of time for something
you are feeling very nervous and worry that something you are
about to do will have any problem
you are trying your best to please each and everyone in almost
every situation
you are not well, but you act like you are

you are feeling 'gila bengang' and they just don't care!

though you know, and other people know that everyone has a lot of works waiting to be done before a new one comes.

this is just another session of me 'membebel'. lucky we're about to finish!
sorry. ampun. maaf. apology.

doa zulaikha kepada nabi yusuff

Ya allah… ya tuhanku… 
Seandainya telah kau tetapkan 
Dia milikku dan tercipta buatku.. 
Dekatkanlah dia kepadaku 
Satukanlah hatinya dengan hatiku 
Titipkanlah kemesraan antara kami 
Agar kebahagiaan abadi 
Seiring kami melayari hidup 
Ke tepian sejahtera 
Tetapi tuhanku, 
Seandainya kau takdirkan 
Dia bukan milikku 
Bawalah dia jauh dari pandanganku 
Luput dalam ingatanku 
Ya tuhanku maha pengerti 
Berikan aku kekuatan agar ku bahagia 
Walau tanpa dirinya 
Dan tuhanku yang tercinta 
Gantikanlah yang telah hilang 
Meskipun tidak sama dengan dirinya 
Jika benar cinta itu cinta senjati 
Maka bebaskanlah ia 
Jika benar cinta itu suci 
Ia akan datang sendirinya 
Jika ia benar dan tak kunjungi lagi 
Maka anggaplah cinta itu memang tidak pernah
Wujud dari awal lagi.

i learn to say thanx!

going out in the evening to play is one of the things that i will miss the mos when this course end and i will go to the school wherever i'll be posted this coming june. no more playing ping pong at the munsyi hall. thanx maddy for introducing ping pong to me, to us. though sometimes we have to fight over the table with some other guys we don't know, it does leave some effect on me, on us.

and today, the ping pong tables were not there anymore. even the security guards have no idea where are they. where are the tables? macam tau2 je kita tengah gila nak main.

sometimes we went for a walk, or jogging. i never jog because i can't jog. i just walk. a lot of things we do while joging. cuci mata, mengumpat, menyakat. talking while walking is actually a form of exercise. usually it's ejat and me who will be waking together. thanx ejat for the company.

another new 'pot' is in the gymnasium, the gym. usually we play badminton here. we had so much fun. the usual people will come down.

maddy
winnie
nani
christine
kamilah
ejat
kas
kalut
inn
wan
azmi
kas

and me!

thanx christine for the rackets. thanx nani for the shuttlecock.

kalut and i team up today beating nani and milah. we won for two sets, its not always that i have the chance to win. thanx kalut for your patience entertaining me whose not very good in badminton and 'buta' rules some more.

thanx milah for your laughter yang 'bergema' satu gym, though you were just 'berangan' to be a gymnast. thanx nani for the 'poco-poco' dance. both of you light up the day.

thanx inn for the 'hula-hup'. it would be better if you do it alone, so that other people won't laugh. wan did it better, very fast. for sure we can differentiate inn and wan, totally obvious. thanx wan too.

thanx le ann and winnie. winnie, though you are traumatized over the 'shuttlecock incident' you never give it up. le ann is the one like me, new in sport. very amateur. but we do try. right, le ann?

we do have a lot of assignments. we do have a lot of presentations. we do have project paper to be done. storyteling performance is coming up. much more.

all this is an escapism, in a way. have fun + be healthy. killing two birds with a stone.

satu

sepi
sunyi
aku satu.

kelam
malam
aku satu.

kosong
lengang
aku satu.

bintang
bulan
Dia satu.

hati
mati
Dia. aku. satu.

the night recalls

le boss = big potion!
this is some kind of a warning to me those who have been there (since i'm not eating much, sometimes!)

this is actually a birthday celebration for wan and inn.
happy birthday wan.
happy birthday inn.
use the present we gave wisely yea! for ur future, hehe...

i ordered pan grill chicken, with 2 sidelines - mash potato + wedges! my potion is not that surprising big, tp boley laa...
well, i finished it. thanx to riss, inn and azmi.

this kind of gathering is not just about eating, but it is more than that. we got to sit together and share whatever we have.

while eating and having fun with them all, it suddenly reminds me of my home.
because i usually spend weekends at home.

what actually my mak, abah and other siblings are doing right now?
what do they have for dinner?

do they remember me as well at this moment, the way i remember them?

again? will this make me better?

again. for another time, i got to be the 'Props Manager' for i don't know how many times.

and this will be the last. most definitely!
and the first time i will be collaborating with Winnie ^_^

this is all for our storytelling night, which we haven't decided the name.

once upon a time?
a night of magical tales!
voices from the ancient ....? (i don't really get this)

the whole class is like 'getting crazy and more crazier'!

whatever it is, i'm excited to delve into this moment!

the poll said so. so?

Poll: Sultan’s decision contrary to people’s will

12 Feb 09 : 5.24PM

By Zedeck Siew
zedecksiew@thenutgraph.com

(© Sanja Gjenero / sxc.hu)

PETALING JAYA, 12 Feb 2009: A new poll has found that the Perak Ruler's decision not to call for snap elections to solve the political imbroglio in the state is unpopular with Perakians.

A total 62% of a 507-voter sample polled by the Merdeka Centre for Opinion Research felt that the role of the palace in this case "does not reflect the will of the people of Perak".

The survey also found that 74% of respondents felt that the state assembly should be dissolved to pave the way for elections, according to a press statement released today by the Merdeka Centre.

The Perak crisis was precipitated when three Pakatan Rakyat state assemblypersons quit their respective parties to become independents, and threw their support behind the Barisan Nasional (BN).

Sultan Azlan Shah refused Perak Menteri Besar Datuk Seri Mohammad Nizar Jamaluddin's request to dissolve the state legislative assembly, and instead agreed to BN forming the government. The move has been seen as an unpopular one, with people voicing out their anger at the Sultan's decision on the internet.

The Merdeka Centre poll found that only 21% thought the royalty was "most rightful in deciding who should form government in Perak". Over three-quarters of all respondents thought that who should form government was the reserve of "the people, through elections".

The poll was carried out via telephone, from 6 to 8 Feb 2009. Respondents — all from Perak — comprised of 47% Malay Malaysians, 41% Chinese Malaysians, and 12% Indian Malaysians, in accordance with the 2008 electoral roll.

Thirty-three percent thought that fresh polls were the best way out of the Perak mess, as opposed to 28% saying that it was prudent to accept the new BN state government.

Most of those polled — 66% — were against state governments formed through defections of state assemblypersons.

Thirty-five percent of those queried supported by-elections in Behrang, Changkat Jering, and Jelapang constituencies, where the Pakatan Rakyat representatives quit their respective parties to become "BN-friendly" independents, leading to the fall of the elected state government.

A majority of Chinese Malaysians and Indian Malaysians polled thought the Perak crisis would increase support for the Pakatan Rakyat, and reduce support for the BN. Opinions among Malay Malaysians however differed, with more thinking that it would decrease support for the opposition coalition, and increase support for the ruling government, than otherwise.

The poll also showed that 47% of all respondents thought the crisis decreased people's faith in Malaysian democracy.

But it is interesting to note, however, that many Malay Malaysian (48%) and Indian Malaysian (53%) respondents thought that events would increase the people's faith in Malaysian democracy. Chinese Malaysians were, however, less optimistic, with only 11% feeling the same way.

what say u people?

i like him, i actually like him

he dresses in green baju melayu.
firm.
tak goyah.
biar apa orang kata.
yang ini aku gelar pemimpin.
pemimpin pada orang-orang aku yang semakin hari semakin lemah.
semakin parah.
yang pada satu hari mungkin hancur.
hancur di tangan orang-orang mereka sendiri.

he looks good.
smart.
apa pun yang dilalui.
niat dan tujuan cuma satu.
menegakkan apa yang lawan kata salah.
tak perlu drama.
sebab dia tak pandai nak mengarah.
dia cuma betah bertindak.

the smile on his face.
sweet.
senyuman itu ikhlas.
aku dapat rasakan.
bersama tangan-tangan menyokong di belakang.
dia tidak gentar.
sebab dia tahu dia di pihak yang benar.
dan aku yakin aku menyokong orang yang benar.

practicum - project paper -posting!

this is the current version of my recall - reflect - review. surprisingly, mdm shirley likes it (her comment - I like this 3R, very witty of you (:)

i'm very serious about this. my practicum in lunas was with the other 2 friends, what about posting?

it's okay with me if it happen to be somewhere in semenanjung. what if it happen to be somewhere in Pulau Bumbum or Ulu Baram in Sarawak or Sabah?

Camel said i have to learn to live on my own. it's true. i agree.

but how?
how to face and deal with it in the first place?

whatever, wherever.
i have no choice.
i know.

sigh.

nasihat doktor

plan asalnya nak ke hospital, skali hospital tutup pukul 5.
tepaksa la p klinik.

apela doktor ni nak cakap ngan aku agaknya.
ting! no 15 bilik A.
aku masuk.
owe, doktor lelaki.
mid 30's.

mazidah ke?
nama dah naik kat skrin, tanya lagi doktor ni.
aku duduk.

aku nak cakap dulu sakit ape ke, nak dia teka?
tak payah.
skali aku 'achooo...!'
dia tau la tu kot.

adik kenapa?
dia doktor bukan bomoh.
slesema.
sejak bila ni?
smalam.
baru lagi.

ada bersin x?
doktor ni mmg nak tau ke nak buat lawak?
itu lah masalah utama saya doktor.

blaja ke keja?
study.
kat mana?
maktab.

jangkit dr kawan ni sbenarnya doktor.
duduk asrama ke?
hostel.
biasa la tu bila dah duduk ramai2 ni.

tarik nafas.
inhale. exhale.
saya slesema ngan batuk doktor.
takpe, saya bg 2 ubat.
1 siang, 1 malam.

yang malam tu jgn silap ambik, nanti x pegi kelas kamu!
saya tau la doktor.
ambik ikut aturan.
nak jd cekgu mesti tau makan ubat kan.
masa ni aku rasa dilayan macam budak umor 7 taun.
okay, nanti ambik ubat kat luar ek.
okay, bubye doktor.
kalau x reda slesema saya, siapla doktor!

aku keluar, tunggu kat dispensary.

mazidah.
apsal suara orang kat dispensary and kaunter kat klinik smua sepesen?
serious.

yang ni makan siang, yang ni makan malam.
dinner ek? hehe.
yang ni ngantuk tau.
okay.

mana ubat batuk aku?
takde ke?
takpe lah.
sampai ati doktor.

keluar.
makan kat jam besar.
20 cucuk satay.
nasi putih + sup daging.
barli suam.

xoxo.

all the small things

this is a tale of the unseen among the cohort 2's

faiz biting his nails, thinking
kalut laughing out loud almost at every second
riss joker of the redang
in authoring his hair + nyamuking all around
nani cek nama untuk kursus kawen
maddy betulkan tudung
kamilah smsing and laughing
atiqah keep wondering
najat kalut (verb)
ejat checking on attendance and giving announcement
christine reading thick books
kas wacking other people
jey lasering
odah silent and sopan
winnie no other than leann
leann i like her 'aiyaaa'
eva writing messages to be passed
wani looking at zul or sleep (this is my roomate)...
azmi aaa...loking around zul online 24/7
camel melatah and mengacau orang
boy he and his specs
mat elaun bila nak masuk
wan serabut2

wondering what i'm doing?
i am looking around
because i can't see all these anymore in 3 months time...

selasa yang kurang selesa

The chronological events on this 'selasa':

woke up at 6.30
mandi
ready for class

'achooo....'

mr. nukman's at 8.15
talked to kalut about 'issue kathleen'

'achooo...'

sorok riss's earphone (it's his fault)
wani + zul presenting on RRA
winnie + leann presenting on TT's attitude

'achooo...'

makan, seating beside wan, in front of maddy + nani
went to library
read newspaper

'achooo...'

went back
on laptop
smsing
ribena + vitamin c

'achooo...'

blogging
storytelling strategies
facebooking
encartaing
journal review
googling
emergence + development of Malaysian english
bilingualism

'achooo...'

it's the front door 'flu virus'
it feels so bad

my sister replied
'sakit dan x sihat tu kan kifarah dosa'

okay

'achooo...'

sebab aku abang

You must have heard this in the add on tv currently. I have 4 brothers, 3 elders and one younger.

This is a story of me and my 'incredible' big brother. He's the only one who is still single among my elder brother. He's 28 (or younger, i cant really remember..but i never forget his birthday). Why him?

He's concern about where i go, with whom, by what...
We can share the same 'bantal' watching tv...
He never wake me up whenever I fell asleep in the co-driver seat...
He feels nothing introducing me to his friends i never know...
He's always willing to share his drink though he knows he needs it more than i do...
He cares to top-up my phone anytime i desperately need it...
He holds my hand when we cross the road...
He doesn't mind been called 'driver' to anyone who needs a lift...

I can still remember when I was in Lunas doing my practicum - he's the one who sent me back to quarters during the fasting month..
at night or early in the morning, right after subuh..
The text he replied stuck tight in my mind - 'takpa la, kesian kat ang. ang bukak la posa dulu. satgi aku antaq.' After bukak posa - 'esok pagi la. kesian ang nak bangun sahur sorang2.'

He cares about me had to go back late to maktab for certain reasons, and he is the one who was willing to sent me back.
His replied text - 'alah, stakat s.p tu 4 x sehari pun aku sanggup.'

I once had the courage to ask him WHY, for all the things he does while my other brothers don't bother?

'sebab aku abang'

kenapa dia?

On the first day of February, I got another nephew. New nephew! Mujahid bin Mohd. Luthfi. A little brother of Nur Shathirah, Mohd. Kamil, Mohd. Ikmal and Nur Najihah.

Makcik betul2 mintak maaf!
Mujahid is the eleventh in the list of my nieces and nephews. Undeniably, the feeling is different now. It's not that I did not feel the joy, but 'keadaan semasa' is like forcing me not to really enjoy it much. The feeling is not anymore the same like how i was told that I got my first niece, Munirah a.k.a Kak Yong.

If one day Mujahid was to read this entry, I just want him to know that makcik sayang, sayang dan sayang kamu semua.

Whatever it is, I am still grateful to be granted with akak2 dan abang2 (and my adik one day) who gave and will give me more 'people to love and be loved'.

(Mohd. Luthfi Mokhtar + Fazilawati Fadzil)
Nur Shathirah Mohd. Luthfi
Muhamad Kamil Mohd. Luthfi
Muhamad Ikmal Mohd. Luthfi
Nur Najihah Mohd. Luthfi
Mujahid Mohd. Luthfi

(Mazni Mokhtar + Muhamad Muslim Ghazali)
Munirah Muhamad Muslim
Maizatul Shahida Muhamad Muslim
Muhaimi Muhamad Muslim

(Bukhori Mokhtar + Nor Safariza Arof)
Nur Syifa Bukhori
Muhamad Zaim Bukhori

(Halimaton Mokhtar + Saiful Bukhori Rozi)
Ikhwan Bukhori Saiful Bukhori

ayat - ayat cinta

Bonda,

selalu saja kurindu

abad-abad terus berlalu

berjuta kali berganti baju

nun jauh di

sana

mata bening menatapku haru

penuh rindu

mata bondaku

yang selalu kurindu

Bonda,

Jika engkau adalah matahari

aku tak ingin datang malam hari.

Jika engkau adalah embun

aku ingin selalu pagi hari

Bonda,

derhakalah aku

jika di telapak kakimu tidak aku temui syurga itu

buat bonda, bonda, bonda dan ayahanda tercinta…

Puteriku,

Namamu tak terukir

dalam catatan harian kami

Asal usulmu tak hadir

dalam diskusi kehidupan kami

Wajah wujudmu tak terlukis

dalam sketsa mimpi-mimpi kami

Indah suaramu tak terakam

dalam pita batin kami

Namun kau hidup mengaliri

pori-pori cinta dan semangat kami

Sebab

kau adalah hadiah agung

dari Tuhan

untuk kami

Puteriku

buat puteri yang tercipta satu…