tata titi tutu

in about half an hour, i'll be going back for good. may not be able to write for quite some times.
my heart is beating very hard. still waiting for my posting letter. phew!

perpisahan itu datang

when i'm writing this, i'm crying. out loud! i just let my roommate for 6 years go. go back for good. i feel so immature. but for me, 'this separation is an excuse to let my heart out.'

first to go were jey and odah.

last nite, it was maddy and kas. one is my 'total cry out' friend and another one is my 3- months-survivor partner.

this morning, it was tikah's time. tikah, u and ur mom rocks! sorry for everything...

this one is special for wani. yes, i cried in front of her, her mom and my other friends. we were hugging each other under the hot sun, but nothing else matters now. i just wanna let my heart out. wani, halalkan semuanya. maafkan semuanya. walaupun kita taklah selalu menggembar-gemburkan yang kita roommate for 6 years, but deep in each of our bottom heart u are my 'bestest' roommate ever. don't forget to keep in touch. i miss u already though we just separated for less than 10 minutes.

in half an hour, its milah's time. i don't how how much tears will flow from my eyes anymore.

then, eva's time.

and tomorrow will be the rest's time.

i'll be missing u guys. it has become a habit for me to be with all of the 24 of u. and now i'll be in the career world alone, but i know u guys will still be with me.

Ya Allah, berkati hidup mereka semua. InsyaAllah.

underwater world

my scuba diving picture!

~another world i would love to explore~

salam and greetings to all =)

1. i might be late with this entry.
2. now i realize, i'm a light packer. good sign for future backpacking trip ^_^
3. bas express ke pantai timur memang rock, tahap drift!
4. it's so long since the last time i'm 'dealing' with nature.
5. i'm learning to cure my 'mabuk laut'.
6. nyesal terlepas peluang mencandat sotong.

Most important of all, i had my birthday night blast on the boat for the first time in my 24 years!!!

Everytime we join something new, mesti nak pasang angan2 jadi itu dan ini. And here, aku pasang impian nak jadi sukarelawan PUSAKO. sounds easy, but InsyaAllah rezeki kan kehendak Allah asalkan kita usaha.


the backpackers team


waiting to be on board


subhanallah, that's all i can say


muka nak masuk laut



fish 'the boatman' caught before jumping into the sea


in the boat


snorkel time


the crystal mosque, went on the last day


one of the replicas


it' not that hard to be in Taj Mahal, thanx to Kak Iza and Cekgu Aizat...
only on the last day i found out Riss's sister and i have the same interest - korean/japanese movies!

How hectic my life could be?

For quite some time, writing new entries for my blog became very alien for these reasons that involved the closest and important people around me. Here is the sequence:

1. Out of the blue, Abah ‘sakit mata’. Yang peliknya, it doesn’t look that serious but it took some time to recover.
2. Then, Abah got ‘demam chikungunya’ dan abah panggil demam ni ‘sakit yang tak bawak mati’. Well, actually it’s true. This unusual demam will make all your joints somehow almost go ‘paralysed’. At one point, mak saw abah sitting at one corner of the house and crying to himself. Why? Abah said because it’s too painful that he doesn’t have the guts to burden anyone for help.
3. When abah recovered, then it goes to mak. Since mak is someone who loves to ‘bercerita’ to me, she told me how the suffering goes. She has to crawl to the bathroom (mak kata dia berat so she refuses any offer to help lift her up).
4. FYI, it was not just my abah and mak who were not well but also my tok (my gandma). Tok is bedridden, and getting worse these two months. Just imagine my mak and abah has to take care of my tok while they are also sick at the same time. Lucky them that my mak teh sometimes come to help.
5. After both mak and abah recovered from the ‘weird fever’, abah got ‘kayap’. Pity abah, though sometimes mak complains that abah is ‘manja’.

Glad I was at home, two weeks break. I have to be back to maktab for our Redang trip when the school break is about to start. Knowing that I’ll be away and my sister will be going to Sabah to see her husband, I decided to go take my twin nephews aka their twin grandson back while sending my sister to the Bayan Lepas airport. Just to make sure my mak and abah won’t be alone and feel sunyi at home while their two daughters are not around. Bringing back the two ‘kanak-kanak buas’ is another thing. I have to:

1. Unpack their stuff and arrange them accordingly. Meaning to say, which shirt comes with which pants.

2. Make sure their ‘kereta control’ which was given by their pak su (my younger brother) has enough battery for two weeks.

3. Write down what time they have to wake up, brush their teeth, mandi and sleep everyday.

4. Remind them where they should and should not go or play around, not to bother tok and tok wan when mak cik (it’s me) is not around.

Hectic, yes. But I learn a lot definitely. And now I’m here in maktab attending my 8 hours per day course called KISSM. I am now on the go to be a ‘penjawat awam’ while waiting for my ‘surat penempatan’.

get to know

what do you call a person who has exam the next day but still have time to take 5 and complete a personality test on the net? --- haha

Your view on yourself:
Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are not looking merely for a girl/boyfriend - you are looking for your life partner. Perhaps you should be more open-minded about who you spend time with. The person you are looking for might hide their charm under their exterior.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:
You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education:
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

from http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test81.aspx

i'm afraid

these few days, this week basically. i feel, somehow:

anxious
frightened
restless
uneasy
yearning

for i do not know what
for i do not who
for i do not know on what reason

i feel like i am somewhere else, when i am actually at one particular place

even scattered around, places i do not know

wondering if i am doing the right thing

choosing one particular person over the other

putting myself into the the secret-self commitment


everything needs justification + i am what i decide + whom to be and to be with

when its written

that evening
come to night
i feel sick, really sick
of the people around me
the nearest, the closest
even those i never know
when u have a wound, and some people put a pinch of salt on top of it!

i really need someone to talk to at that particular moment
but there was no one, only me
in my square own world

i wish my brother was here
he will hug me
put me into his comforting hands and shoulders
under his warm breath

beep beep
019... - r u comin back 2morro

he can totally read my mind
with this electrostatic and magnetic bond of a family

reply: x sure yet

019... - sakit ke

reply: u think

019... - i got new place to bring u, plz

reply... - go on ur own la

019... - not complete

reply: ok

the wound heal

the 18 'almost crazy' people

last saturday, 4th march.
18 of us, at my house prepare for our lata bayu picnic.

but for nani, najat and i: the preparation was even worse. we went to buy the stuff at pasar malam in the evening and prepare everything at night. tak malu nak ckp, kitorang bertiga mandi kol 12 mlm tu sebab xnak badan bau ayam. but it's fun though. even my mom was surprised that we could prepare those nice marinate sauce. huhu. i'm proud.

the next morning, another 15 came in 4 cars. thanx to camel, chrix, in and kalut for driving. sampai jugak depa kat umah aku. aku nampak muka mak ngan abah aku time tu, macam tekejut sebab ramai (actually aku tak cakap pun the exact number of people yg nak mai, hehe saja nak surprise). tp aku tau, mak ngan abah aku happy sebenanya tu, because they are actually sunyi xde sapa kat umah.

aku plan before that nak kenalkan diorang ni sorang2 kat parents aku, tapi x sempat sebab smua dah serbu and jadi hyper bila tgk pokok2 buah and my house yang macam dusun ni. instead of introducing them to my parents, i have to introduce them to all the pokok2 yang ada kat umah aku. hehe. winnie siap impressed lagi. 'patutla u tiap2 minggu balik rumah'. hehe

i jamu them with pulut santan + ikan pekasam + sambal ikan bilis + teh o panas for breakfast. mak aku terkejut tgk budak2 ni makan pulut macam nasik, abis lentok la smua lpas ni...

then, my mom and all of us siapkan all the last preparation. kerabu mangga + ulam pucuk paku and ulam raja + sambal belacan.

at 10am, we all pun bertolak.

and aku malu ngan diri aku, sebagai anak jati baling aku bleh bawak 2 kreta ke jalan yang salah hehe. aku excited sgt actually, tu yang sampai terlajak!

sampai
cari pot
set up tempat nak bakar ayam
main2 air
sambil menyicah pelam + jambu + asam renda

sambil tunggu ayam masak, they went to mandi
i didn't
ada sebab
yg aku cakap, x bawak baju tukar
actually aku lagi suka bila tgk member2 aku happy

these are all the pictures:

the boys tgh breakfast

setting up the fire, yang lain tu sebok jer...

penyebab sakit perut

hasilnya!

happy sampai terbang2 itik nih..

suka!

makan time!

allergik jumpa air, jd hyper..

~cantik kat belakang~

definitely, hoping this won't be our last picnic! there's more to come...lol (",)

wednesday day out!

psychologically prepared to go watch the most positive preview from most of my friends on this:

the one below is kalut's

and these are my own preview:
1. Mahesh is cute, and i could feel him.
2. Hafiz did well in miming the songs.
3. I did not seemuch of Melur's character in Pamela.
4. Being a 'true' Muslim is not just about performing the solat 5 times a day. it is also about
carrying the 'ajaran' in ur whole life.
5. Being a Malay does not mean u are a Muslim. in fact, there are more Malays in Islam that
Islam in the Malays. What say u?

it is fun though to see cynical messages inserted in kinda fun way. it is more of a work art than just a movie.

i sat in the cinema between jey and kalut, sort of disappointing since i would prefer to sit between najat or ejat. but i still enjoy the show.

the left one kept silent throughout the show while the one on the right was the other way around.
'gda, where's the part i should cry? i still can't feel it.' - kalut
different people, different sense of feeling. i understand.

my eyes did 'bergenang' at few scenes, and the tears dropped through bot my cheeks towards the end of the show. death can come in any way. and losing someone u love to death is indescribable.

it was also an exciting day out because i got to buy this:

then, we had our dinner at nashmir, the nearest and easiest for a rainy day and pocket-friendly.

lastly, went back and did what i do everyday:

went back and start planning for the weekend's hang out, at my house!
wait for the next entry (",)